"Necessity is the mother of invention."

"It is no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be."

"Anyone with more than 365 pair of shoes is a pig."

"The race may not always be to the swift nor the victory to the strong, but that's how you bet."

"Any ordinary man can...surround himself with two thousand books...and thenceforward have at least one place in the world in which it is possible to be happy."

"Mahatma Gandi was what wives wish their husbands were: thin, tan and moral."

"ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection."

"Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets."

"The argument that making contraceptives available to young people would prevent teen pregnancies is ridiculous. That's like offering a cookbook as a cure to people who are trying to lose weight."

"In one celebrated incident, 300 members of Church of the New Song requested $6000 worth of filet mignon and Harvey's Bristol Cream for a crucial religious ceremony at the federal prison in Atlanta."

"...people are by nature fickle, and it is easy to persuade them of something, but difficult to keep them persuaded."

"Praising what is lost makes the remembrance dear."